Writing Workshop 4.15.11- Using Clauses to Spice Up Our Writing

Today in our Language Arts writing workshop, we focused on our understanding goal "How does using a mixture of dependent and independent clauses strengthen my sentence structure?" We looked at a piece of writing with very simplistic sentence structure and word choice as a group and discussed ways it could be "spiced up." Then, using Google Docs, we worked in groups and incorporated dependent clauses and figurative language to strengthen the writing.  Wow- look at the difference!!

Version with simplistic sentence structure:

I woke up this morning with a terrible headache. My mom knocked on my door. She said, “Honey, it’s time to wake up!”  I rolled over. I threw off the covers. I got out of bed. I walked to my bathroom.  I turned on the shower. The water felt freezing cold. So I turned on some warm water. I got out of the shower. I got dressed. My headache felt a little better. I grabbed my backpack from my desk. I walked down the stairs. I smelled bacon. I knew my mom must be cooking us a good breakfast. I felt excited and ready for the day.

 4D group's "spiced up" version:

I woke up that morning earlier than usual with a terrible headache. My mom banged on my door, and She said, “Honey, it’s time to wake up!”  I rolled over like a barrel falling down a hill. As I flung the covers off my body, I sluggishly got out of bed. I trudged to my bathroom and turned on the shower. The water felt like it was coming from a glacier, so I turned on the steaming hot water. I got out of the shower, and I got dressed. My headache felt somewhat better, so I grabbed my backpack from my desk. I dawdled down the stairs towards the kitchen and smelled some fresh, hot, bacon with a side of pancakes as I neared the kitchen. I knew my mom must be cooking us a 5-star breakfast, and I felt pumped and ready for an astonishing day.


4C group's "spiced up" version:

First I woke up this morning with a terrible headache as bad as a heart attack, and my mom knocked on my door softly. She said, “Honey, it’s time to wake up!” After that I rolled over while I quickly threw off the covers. Finally I rolled out of bed like a rolly poly. When I wobbled to my bathroom, I turned on the soothing shower. The water felt freezing cold like the soft snow, so I turned on some warm water. Then I happily jumped out of the shower, and I went to go get dressed. My headache felt a tiny bit better. I quickly snatched my backpack from my desk and walked down the stairs like I was on fire. When I sniffed the delicious bacon, I knew my mom must be cooking us an awesome breakfast. I felt excited and ready for the day long awesome day!